"one"derland

I be there! My weight finally starts with a 1 again!!! First thing I did this morning was tell Josh! He's super happy, theeeennn I text Scott. I swear not a minute later he called me and praised me. I love him. I wouldn't be here today without him. He's amazing and I am so glad I chose him as my trainer. See, there's 3 different trainers that work with Full Body Fitness. Scott, Dean, and Branegan. I had Branegans card, but I lost it. Scott just happened to be the one I decided to talk to. Anyways, now that I am down to 199, I have some before and after face pictures to share with y'all. Here they are:

This means I only have 49lbs til I get to 150. That is my right now goal. I will adjust it when I lose more weight. I might not be comfortable getting down to 150 with all this muscle I'm gaining. Well I should say, I will be gaining. This is all I have for now. Ta-ta friends!

5

This morning I pulled out a pair of jeans, because it was chilly. Fall has decided to hit good old Central, Oregon. Well, when I tried them on I was expecting them to be loose. OMG, they we're falling off to the point where I don't think a belt would've helped. For reals. In the last 6 months I have went from a size 24, to a size 16. That is ah-fucking-mazing. I wasn't even this thin when Josh and I got married. I was a size bigger. So this tells me that i haven't been this size since I was 16 or so. Holy wow. I'm so proud of myself, and everyone is telling me how proud they are of me. It makes me feel great. I love it... Please don't stop. I only have 58 more pounds to lose before I hit my goal weight. Then it's on like donkey kong. We're going to start making me strong. My legs are already super strong, we did negatives on the leg machines yesterday. It was amazing. It makes you feel so freaking strong. You really have to work. Anywho, I will go for now. Til next time, my friends!

Damn it!!!!

I fell off the wagon and I don't know how to pick myself up and get back to it. Everything feels like a giant failure right now. I can't decide what is causing it, but whatever it is needs to go away. I tried doing my fish diet again and i failed epically. i've eaten more bread then I dare admit. My willpower is completely gone. I could say that it doesn't feel like I get the support I need at home, someone to push me and tell me I'm doing a great job. Which is true, josh isn't the most supportive person in the world. He doesn't know how to express it and it makes my heart hurt. God Damn just tell me how great i'm doing and that i can do it. you have faith in me. I feel like I am failing myself. :/ I shouldn't be so critical of myself but I can't help it. I have always been my own worst enemy. FUUUCCCCK! I just want a hidey hole I can crawl into and bawl my eyes out. Tell me I'm amazing, tell me how proud you are of me, please support me and help me.

15lbs from a huge milestone

I only have 15lbs until my weight starts with a 1 again. This will be so freaking super giant huge and damned if I am not celebrating almost 60lbs lost. Hopefully within 3ish weeks I will be at this goal. Scott has promised me that once I hit 198lbs that he's taking me out to lunch. Not only is this huge for me, but he's right there with me. It's huge for him too. We've been working together for almost 6 months now. There's this resturaunt in town called Crave. That's where he's taking me to lunch. I cannot wait because it has burgers and lord know I love me some burgers. You can pretty much put anything in the kitchen on it. Awesome!! I don't know why I haven't heard of this place before. I can't wait. possibly by october 1st I can enjoy this delicious place. I can't tell you how long it has been since I have weighed less than 200lbs. I am so freaking proud of myself for how far I have come. 6 months ago I would have told you that I couldn't lose the weight. Look at me now though. I am well on my way to be fit and healthy!!! Scott tells me every time I see him that I will be an athlete once I am thinner. I am strong physically and mentally. I have so much more energy now, even with losing just 43lbs. I will keep y'all updated on how much I've lost.

I fell

Off the bandwagon. Big time this week. I ate things I know I shouldn't have and I drank things I know I shouldn't have. So you say, "why the fuck did you do it then?" Well folks, it's because will power only goes so far. I think I've said it previously, but I have been battling depression for many years now. That depression got worse for no good reason at all and one of my many side effects is the comfort of food. I talked to Scott, we got things right in lindseyland again and I will not falter again. See, Scott's taken a few psychology courses and he's an easy person to talk to. I need help with something and he's there. He's such an amazing person and I really cannot AW him enough to make you all understand. I dread the day I don't train with him anymore. It's not happening anytime soon but I still dread it. We're bartering for my sessions right now. See, the hubs job really slows down in the winter time. Scott says I'm not allowed to quit using him yet. So we are making a deal. In exchange for my sessions. I'm going to start cleaning his house 2 times a week. Is it weird that I hate cleaning my own house, but I love cleaning and organizing other peoples houses? I think so. Anyways. I hope everyone has a safe and sound holiday weekend!!

I gave up..

That isn't what it looks like!!! I promise! I gave up on my Nutritionist, she just wasn't doing anything for me. Pfft, who needs her when I have Scott!!! I see him almost everyday and I work with him 3x per week.

The nutritionist gave me some good info, but Scott really knows me. He's taking the time to help me. I've lost more weight doing what he tells me to than I ever did seeing the Nutritionist. Doesn't that say something? Anything??

Scott is such a great motivator. Not only is he my trainer, but he's my great friend. It's nice to know that I can trust him, and that I can talk to him like a good friend and not feel weird about it.

We have an odd relationship, it's great and I love it though! Having a good relationship with your trainer is crucial in success, in my opinion. How can you be comfortable with eachother if you don't have that relationship? He's committed to helping me and I am letting him.

He knows that I'm in it to win it. I am getting closer to my goal every single day. My success is thanks to him. I've lost 41lbs. How awesome is that??

This post is random rambling of everything, but I can't concentrate enough to put a decent post together if I wanted to. So here you go!!

7 years!

Yesterday was our 7 year anniversary. It was a good day, I totally busted my diet, but it was worth it! I didn't eat anything super bad so I don't feel one bit guilty.

We went and saw our pup Samson, and we went to Applebee's for lunch with the boys. We got the internet at home a couple weeks ago for our present to each other. I'd rather have that than anything else. I use it everyday and it just wasn't cutting it on my phone. Since it's a "dumb phone", one day I will have a smartphone again.

It's been great these past 7 years, we havea nice house, 2 wonderful boys & soon to be an adorable pup at home. Samson will come home in about 6-7 weeks! Here's a pic for your enjoyment!!

He's half husky mix and half hound!

I have a goal

Well, I've had a goal in mind for a long time, but now that I am seeing things work, it's becoming more of a reality. It's nice to know that things can happen and I will one day soon see my goal come to life.

So, with this new eating plan, I should drop about 5-7lbs a week. So that means I could potentially lose up to 40lbs in 8 weeks. That would be super awesome.

I just have to keep at it and not cheat. It's getting easier now that I have a few different choices. I can always use my other meal plans to supplement if I get bored. It's nice to have options.

Honestly, there were a few days where I just wanted to break down and cry because I didn't think I could do it. I know that I can now. It's hard and I want to cheat every freaking day but I am being good.

I want to be thin. The few things I want really bad are 1: not to have to worry about a liver transplant in 5-10 years, 2: to be here for my kids 3: to be able to shop in the womens section, not the womens plus. I want to be able to wear clothes that don't look like a 90 year old woman should be wearing them. I really want clothes to lie flat on my skin and not have nasty rolls showing through.

I am on my way to all this! I can't wait for it to finally become a true reality!

I've struggled..

When I did before, I didn't feel so guilty about screwing up. Now, I definitely have a guilty conscience. Yes I know everyone has their weakness. It's hard to deal mentally when you did so well the first week. Then feel like a failure the next week.

I cannot call myself a failure because I haven't weighed yet, but I don't feel like i did good. I don't feel like I lost any weight, which probably isn't true because it could just be a small amount. I don't know. I am having a hard time, and sometimes I don't feel like Josh understands what I am going through mentally.

Feeling guilty for no reason is one of my personal side effects from depression. I get anxiety and can't sleep over things. I think it might be time to talk to the good old doc again. Guess I'll be making an appointment today.

My first week..

It went amazingly well. I only have a few more days left on this particular diet. But the first week I knocked it out of the park and I lost 11.25lbs in 7 days! How awesome am I? I swear I have the willpower of a champion. Josh and the boys ate normally and I ate whatever Scott told me I had to eat. I can't complain because it worked!

I am now officially down 33.25lbs.

I have the willpower of a champion

The other night, I so lovingly made my husband and children burritos for dinner. I smelled the deliciousness and even helped them make their burritos. Then I sat down at the table and ate my blah fish, sweet potato, and green beans.

I keep telling myself this diet is only temporary and that in a week or two I will have more options. It's so fucking hard but I will prevale and I CAN DO THIS!

Today is a really bad self image day. I am going to post pictures of what I look like now. I'm being a brave woman. Posting my fatass on the interwebz for all to look at and mock me.

So here it goes.







So there I am! This is me as of today. I will do this weekly so I can bring you guys along my weight loss journey and you can see my progress too.

My current weight is 231.25lbs. I weigh again on Monday. So hopefully I'll have some good news to report since I've been on this new program.

First day down

Let me just tell y'all that my diet is so boring right now. I would making it interesting if I knew how. I can't use the seasoning I normally would to make things taste good. So for now I'm eating just to fuel my body and nothing else. All the enjoyment has been taken out of my food.

Honestly, this is exactly what I need. Since Scott is putting all this work into helping me, I don't want to disappoint him. I actually succeeded in eating 6 times yesterday, which is a biggianthuge point for me. Most of the time I feed my kids and forget to feed myself. It was really hard to see the boys and josh eating super delicious looking and smelling burritos for dinner last night.

I will not make my family eat the way I am. Especially the boys, their diet can handle it. They don't have a life altering disease. I must take care of myself.

This isn't just for my benefit, it's for my family too. I want to be there for my boys. I want to have more babies. Losing weight and getting healthier are priority in the equation. I don't want to have to have a liver transplant and be stuck on antirejection meds for the rest of my life. No bueno!!

Well, cheers to the beginning of the end of Fatty Liver Disease. You will die and I will defeat you. You bastard disease!!!

Body Blueprinting

Ladies and gents, this is my new weight loss adventure. I am Scott's guinea pig for this.

Basically it's a REALLY specific eating plan and we're targeting my main areas that I need to lose weight in.

It is not easy, not one bit. There's extremely minimal carb and a lot of protein and greens. Here's what my 6 day meal plan is:

Breakfast:
3oz of turkey breast
1/2 grapefruit or 1/2c mxd berries

Mid morning snack:
3oz tuna
1c of greens

Lunch:
2oz fish
1/2 med yam
1c greens

afternoon snack:
3oz tuna
1c greens

Dinner:
2oz fish
1/2 med yam
1c greens

there's also an evening snack which is optional, we'll see how I feel in the evening.

evening snack:
2oz turkey
1c greens

Yes, I know this looks like I am eating a lot of the same things, that's because I am.

Wait for the best part, oooo wait for it..


No salt and/or condiments!!!!

The end goal is for me to lose the weight and be happy and healthy. I am fairly happy and I'm pretty close to not having FLD anymore. I go see my GI on the 16th of Aug for a follow up with b/w and what not. So hopefully we'll get good news at that appointment or shortly afterwards.

I will struggle and I will have a hard time keeping on track but I know I can do it!!

Dread

I realize that I am having a really hard time breaking old eating habits. I'm suppose to be keeping a food journal for my nutritionist and I fail big time.

I am dreading the weigh in this week. I was reallysuperfreakingbad with my diet this weekend and I don't want to face the music if I gained weight. Seriously Lindsey, why can't you get your shit together?

We'll see I guess.

25lbs

That's where I am at right now. I was hoping it would be more by now but I'll take what I can get honestly. I can't be disappointed because I am losing the weight, just slowly.

I am seeing a new nutritionist in hopes that we can get on the same book and the same page. Yea, the last one was ok but she just wasn't doing it for me. This one actually helped me with a meal plan and seeing me weekly to hold me more accountable. The plus side. It only costs 20$. Thats actually only a one time fee too. Woot!

I'll keep y'all updated on my progress.

I'm a slacker

I got a nasty chest cold, I didn't go to the gym for 7 days. I felt so gross not working out and I was a major crabass.

Scott asked if I wanted to do my body fat and measurements yesterday and I said no. I wasn't quite ready for it. Which is the total truth. I was so afraid that I would have gained weight, because honestly I didn't eat all that great when I was sick.

on a super good note, we're MOVING. Wooo I am so flucking excited.

Alright that's all the energy I have for my blog today. I iz one tired girl.

A competition

My fav torture artist is talking about having a contest for his clients!!! I really want to do this. I am an extremely competitive person by nature and competition motivates me.

I am asking questions and trying to lean him towards following through with it. I told him if he does the competition than I will do it and I will win. I will do everything humanly possible to win it. I am not a sore loser but I would probably be a little disappointed if I didn't walk away the winner.

I've lost almost 20lbs so far. I have a goal of reach 200lbs then we'll set another one. I am hoping to be able to wear bikini bottoms and a tank next summer and not have to worry about a flabby tummy. Well, maybe next summer I'll be pregnant, but who knows. We'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Right now I have a nasty chest cold and I am not happy about it, whatsoever!!!!

So be it!

I now have something new to lose weight for

I have come to the realization that I am not done having kids. I really want another one. I have a fierce desire for it. I think this one might be worse than when I wanted to start TTC with Caleb.

Josh and I talked about it yesterday. He definitely said he wants another one and he wants to be done having kids by the time he's 30. He's 28 now.

I want to be at a healthy weight before we start TTC again. Lord knows how long it'll take or if I am going to have to go back on the Clomid bandwagon. I hope not but I'm not setting any special expectations for myself either. Wyatt was concieved without meds, I TTC with him for about 4-5 months. Yeah, Caleb took 14 months with 3 rounds of Clomid before he came into existence. So we'll see how things go. I am not sure when we'll start but I'm hoping within the next 6-8 months.

Well there's my confession for now. I really want another baby. Like bad.

Happy Memorial Day

I just want to say thank you to our past present and future miltary men and women! My Dad and Uncle were both in the Army and I have known other various people who give their lives to keep us safe! You are wonderful brave people! I appreciate everything you do for us, day in and day out.

You fight our wars, and protect America! You all deserve far more than you get..

Thanks again for everything you do!

<3 <3 <3 Much love

update of sorts

A couple of weeks ago my knee started hurting, I thought Meh, it's just sore and it'll be better in a couple days. Fast forward to a week and a half ago, waking up and barely being able to get out of bed. I finally drug myself to the dr, where she sent me off to have xrays done. Doclady thought my meniscus was torn. Uh oh! Well, after like 5 days of waiting for my xray results, the nurse finally called me and said that it's minor soft tissue swelling, no tears! Woot, but let me tell you, this swelling feels a whole hell of a lot more than just minor.

Don't get my wrong, I am super happy that it's not something more serious, the lord knows that. I'm just tired of icy hot, ice, aleve, and heating pads. For reals. And I'd like to be able to kick ass at the gym again.

I've gotten so into the gym and my workouts that it's really bothering me that I can't go in there and give 250% like I was. I know it will heal and that I will be to that point again but damn it I want that right now.

I am an emotional eater, I am struggling with my knee, and I am having a really hard time coping and not running to fridge for some carb loaded goodness. I have slipped a few too many times. I will admit that. IT'S REALLY FUCKING HARD!!!

I plan on going to the gym tomorrow morning, and kicking ass on the elliptical. Since I know it isn't torn I am free to get on the machines again, just as long as it doesn't hurt my knee. Which the elliptical hasnt bothered me one bit! IAMSOFREAKINGEXCITED to see that machine again. ahhhhhh! It's my addiction, a guilty pleasure of sorts.

Wooooo! Ok, so there's my update. Talk to y'all again soon. Very soon!

Someone noticed.

Yesterday when I got to the gym for my workout with Scott, I went up to him while he was working with another client just to let him know I was there.

We chatted for a sec. I went and did my thing with stretches and whatnot and then Scott comes in and we did come crossovers and some ab work.

Then we got to my fav part, weight lifting. While we were taking a small break he tells me that his last client asked him how much weight I've lost because it looks like I've lost a lot of weight. That makes me feel amazing and really boosts my ego. I felt great about myself after I left the gym yesterday.

Not only did someone notice my weight loss but I did something I have been so scared to do since I hurt my ankle. I got on the treadmill and I ran. AMAZING! It makes me feel so good. It would have been better if I didn't have a pounding headache while I was doing it because that made it a little hard to enjoy it. I totally plan on running every time I get on the treadmill.

There's my update for now. Woohoo!

Mr. Elliptical. My BFF

The elliptical is my go to machine at the gym. I don't feel like I get a good workout on the treadmill. I can burn more calories and push myself so much harder on it.

Yesterday, I treated myself to a mothers day workout. I went did my normal stretch routine then I got on the elliptical. I was commited to going longer than I ever had before. Let me tell you people! I DID IT! I stayed on the elliptical for a whole hour!

In that hour I burned 878 calories and went 4.70 miles. AhMAZING! I am so super proud of myself for this. Woot! I beat my personal best by 10 whole minutes. Now my goal will to be to go further in an hour.

Stayed turned for my measurements and body fat update! I will do that later tonight!

Great workout

Yesterday I had a session with my favorite torture artist, Scott! He's amazingly awesome. For reals. I really feel like I am getting results and I am so super happy about them.

On Monday we are going to test my body fat and measure me again. I CANNOT wait to see the progress I've made in the last 5 weeks. It's super exciting and I know it's going to be great. I can see a difference in myself already. My face is thinner and my legs are more toned, I think my waist is a little smaller too. We shall see on monday though.

I've been rockin' it 5 days a week at the gym. I am super proud of myself. Scott is too. He gave me a t shirt as a thank you for working hard. He says I'm one of the hardest working girls he trains right now. Which totally makes me feel awesome! He's a great motivator and he keeps the workouts fun.

I beat the punching bag to a pulp yesterday and it was hard but kinda fun. Then I did metcon. Oh how I love thee. NOT! But it does make a difference. It really gets your heart pumping and I do sweat my balls off lol.

I did step ups, with 2 15lbs dumbells, then I did a squat/shoulder press thing with the same weights. I did kettle bell swings and situps. Then I did 35 minutes on the elliptical. I worked my ass off. On days I don't work with Scott I get on the elliptical for 45ish minutes. I am rocking it and I am so proud of myself.

I'm having a bad diet week.

I just don't feel like I'm doing good with the way I'm eating this week, I keep forgetting to feed myself breakfast and lunch hasn't been going that great.

I'm really struggling with what to eat and how to prepare it. We all know I know how to eat. That's no secret lol.

Sigh. I will get the hang of this and I will prevail but for now. I suck.

Airing things out.

I don't think it's fair when a friend is in a bad mood and you get the grunt of their mood. Even if it's a spouse, I mean yea, that's a little more understandable but still. You know what I mean?

I haz a friend who has been really short and distant for the last week or so. My feelings are kind of hurt and I know I shouldn't let it bother me like it does. I can't help it though.

Alas, life goes on and everything will go back to normal, but for now it's not cool. I'm sick, hacking up a lung and I am so frigging tired. That might be part of the reason for my reaction to things.

Hopefully I can actually sleep tonight. That would be fabulous!

breakfast

I made oatmeal and sliced up some fresh strawberries. OMG so good. Super heart healthy because strawberries have antioxidants. Yum!

After my session with Scott last night we weighed. I am down 12 pounds! Yes 12.

I am so super proud of myself as this was done in 3ish weeks. I feel good about myself for the first time in a very long time.

I am going to visit mr. elliptical for a half hour this morning. burn off some carbs and have a great day! yahoo!

That's a wrap!

Yes, I mean a wrap, as in food.

So my trainer, Scott, gave me a recipe for a breakfast wrap to try. OMFG it is so good.

I use a multigrain wrap I think they're called soft wraps or some shit. I'm far too lazy to go look.

What I do is brown about 3oz of ground turkey meat, then add in a 1/4 each of red and green bell pepper, chopped. I also use some red onion. Still those in with the ground turkey and saute until tender. Then I add 3 egg whites in and cook until done. I also add a few pinches of taco seasoning for flavor.
Before I add all the good I cut of a qtr of an avacado and mix it into the turkey and veggies.

Put into wrap and fold up. Delicious! It keeps you full for a long time because it's packed with protein!

I can get use to eating one of those everyday. For reals!!

Hey Y'all

I get weighed today for reals. So I will find out if my 11lbs loss is real or if I was just imagining things.

Good lord I hope it's real, that would friggin rock my socks off!

I will update later. Oh and I get to buy a new laptop today!

Low carb, High Protein

Holywow. I am having a hard time getting motivated, I need to eat a lot healthier. My trainer is helping with nutrition stuff too. As well as my nutritionist. My god it's a tough adjustment to make. One thing I can say is that I haven't drank a pop in over 2 weeks. That's HUGE for me.

I went to the gym 5x this week. Woot for me. I have been doing 30m straight on the elliptical and it's hard but i get through it. I think by 20 minutes i might die but I make it through the next 10 with no problems. I really really really really really like my trainer. He's the most kickass guy ever. I am so glad that I get to train with him.

So far I think I'm down 13lbs. Which is super exciting.
I'm suppose to consume 2400 calories a day because of how much I am working out.

I am struggling with everything except the exercising.

Woot

This week I have 3 sessions with Scott. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I'm stoked. Really going to the gym is the highlight of my day. Today I stayed for a while after I got my cardio on and talked to him. We went over some food stuff and all that jazz.

Ugh I need to get my food shit together. I'm suppose to take it to him and let him see it. So we can adjust things accordingly.

I have been seeing a nutritionist and I really don't feel like it's doing me any justice. I think I'll learn more from Scott than her. He will hold me accountable and I think I will do much better.

We are going to a high protein low carb diet. It's optimum for weight loss. I'm so excited to be on this journey. I wish I would have did it sooner. REally I do.

Feeling good about things

So, with my dx the other day. I am actually at peace. I can say that I am ok with everything, I think mainly because I know I am doing everything I can to prevent any further damage to my liver. Yes, I wish it wasn't me, but can I change what has happened? No!

Life suddenly has a new outlook and I am happy with myself for what I am doing. I must say I wish I would have did this a lot sooner. Scott is so motivational, he's really a good guy and he works me hard, but I am at the infacy stage of starting to love me. I haven't loved me in a long long time.

Working out is such an emotional thing to for. It really helps me relax and get rid of stress in my life. Punching the shit out of a bag is fucking awesome. Or my fav. Bench pressing and free weights. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

One day, when I am a beast and strong as an Ox. I'm going to have scott bring his wife Dee in as a guest trainer and I really want to try olympic lifting. FUCKING AWESOME!

I am going to link some info on FLD if any of you are curious about more info on it.

All and all, I love me, and I love my family and friends.

Fatty Liver Disease

My session with Scott

Today, it rocked my socks off, seriously. I LOVE weight lifting, there's something so empowering about it. Makes me wanna RAWR. So we did some back stuff today. then used dumbbells. Scott likes dumbells. I for one, think they might be the death of me. I did bench pressing. LOVED IT! L.O.V.E.D it. Then there comes MetCon. My arch nemisis. I did, 90 step ups, 90 squats, 90 pushups and 60 should lifts. HOLYFUCK! I rock.

There's nothing like threatening a girl with a liver transplant to get her motivated eh?

Yesterday morning I was diagnosed with a more severe form of fatty liver disease. I just happen to have the kind that makes the liver inflamed and scars it also. I'm about halfway to a liver transplant as my GI told me. Wanna talk about a plethera of emotions?? I CANNOT blame myself, but it's hard not too. Hard not think that if I would have just lost that weight sooner I would be going through this shit. But I am, and the only place to go from here is up. So here I go, up up and away!

My legs hate life but that's ok. It's all worth the pain. No pain no gain right?!?!

Weight is to be lost!

Ladies and Gents I would love to report in that just one week I lost 4.5lbs. Woot. This makes me so happy. It's definitely boosted my ego a little.

Today, I am going to get my meal plans together and show Scott what I am eating, which hasn't been that great lately. I've fallen off the wagon a little bit. I am right back on it today though. The only thing that I haven't fallen off the wagon with is not drinking pop. I found some water enhancer, MiO, I lurve it. My favorite so far is the Berry Pomegranate and fruit punch flavors. I haven't had a pop in a few days which is huge. HUGE because I swear that I am addicted to pop.

My life is changing, and I am so so sosososososososo happy about it. I have a long road ahead of me but I know I can do it. I KNOW it.

A poem I wrote at 16...

Look into my eyes,
I'll let you see,
What really goes on inside of me,
What I'm really meant to be.

Look into my eyes,
You can say,
You'll find a way,
To help me someday.

Look into my eyes,
You can be,
The one to take care of me

Look into my eyes,
You can bring out all my fears,
The ones that cause my tears
You can be my cure

Look into my eyes,
You can be the strength I don't have
Make me happy when I am sad
That day I will be glad
That you tried
And looked into my eyes.


Uhm, I think I wrote this about my first love, Miguel. We dated for a little over a year, but obviously things didn't workout. He lived in AZ and I lived in NV. The long distance thing isn't something that a 16yo girl should have to do. It's hard anytime, but fragile little me just couldn't handle it anymore. I don't think I was mature enough. Well either I wasn't or he wasn't. I think it was him that ruined everything. Yea yea I know, put the blame on him.. blah blah blah. It worked out for the better because now I have my husband and my sons and we're a happy little family. Josh is the one who looked into my eyes and caught my heart for life. That's all I care about now. I'm not sure if I will post more. I probably will...

MetCon

So, I've had 2 real sessions with Scott, my crazy personal trainer, and it's going really well. He's really intense but he's also very very encouraging. He's a great guy but my body totally hates him the next day lol

So, he likes to do metabolic conditioning, which is crazy but I am sure it will be most effective. Last night, for MetCon, he had me doing 10 chin up with a bar, 10 steps ups, and 10 reps with a kettle bell. I did 180 reps in 10 minutes. I am sore today, but it's a good kind of sore. I think on monday we will weigh again. hopefully there will be a weight loss.

We shall see on monday!!!

Yay!

Today I start working out with Scott, who is a personal trainer. I am super duper excited about this and can't wait to get on the road to weight loss.

Scott does high intensity workouts and I know he'll push me and I know I will hate him afterwards. But it won't be a bad hate, it's just a I hate you right now kinda hate lol

He works with Full Body Fitness which contracts with my gym.

Cannot.wait! I will keep y'all updated.

The Gym!

I went and did 1.5 miles on the treadmill. I am proud of myself. I even used incline and did a fast walk.

I figured out that I like to read while working out. It makes the time go faster and seems like I can go longer and further on the equipment. Yay for me!!

Yesterday's GI appointment

I got weighed. I've lose absolutely no weight. Sadness. I know this isn't going to happen overnight but it's still a little disappointing. We talked about some labs I had done, my liver enzymes are a little lower but still high enough to be concerned.

So guess what y'all? Liver biopsy here I come! I am not nervous really. I know it's an exploratory procedure and that it will help us understand exactly what is going on in there.

I am just waiting for a call from the hospital to schedule the procedure, Dr. Semmelroth said that if I don't hear from them in 2-3 weeks to give her office a call.

Well, that's my news for today!

To the G.I. I go!

I have another appointment with the G.I today, a followup to see how things are progressing with my fatty liver disease. I hope all goes well and that everything looks good.

I am hoping to get to the gym tomorrow sometime, hopefully while Wyatt is in preschool. :) I can drop C off at the child care center and work my butt off on the elliptical or treadmill.
Until I have a little more tolerance for working out and don't get so winded, I am working myself up little bits at a time. I am doing a mile on the elliptical, then I will move to a mile and a half, then 2 miles. so on and on.

This weight loss journey would be a lot easier if I had a trainer to push me.

Update

I went to a followup nutritionist appointment yesterday. Got some really good info. She gave me some paperwork to help me get started on daily meal planning. I am going to get my snacks together for the day the night before. I got some portions info. Which will help me immensely. I have always had trouble with portions. I am an overeater. I know this about myself. I have always been on the seefood diet. I see food and I eat it. Which is a horrible habit to break.

So all in all, my weight loss is still at a standstill. I am more determined than ever though. We are going on a mini vacay mid April and I'd like to lose 15+ pounds by then. I can do it, I know I can. Now all I need is the motivation to get it started. This will be easily attainable just as long as I push myself.

So, weight loss here I come. I go back to the nutrtionist March 23rd and I'd like to have some progress to report.

Aaaah a haircut

Doesn't a haircut make you feel about 20x better? It does for me. It's a little shorter than I am use to but I do like it. I need to train my bangs again, so for now they are pinned back. Which doesn't really help train them I suppose.

I need to get my arse to the gym and trying a little harder in general. I'm having a really hard time finding the motivation to go use my membership. I am going to try to set a goal to lose 20lbs in 6 weeks. This will be the time we go to the coast. I am hoping that I can lose more, but I don't want to set a goal that I can't reach.

So, what do you use for motivation? give me some advice please!

Thanks for making me feel like crud

Joshua doesn't understand that I am compulsive eater. Food sitting in front on me is a bad thing. If it's there, I will, without a doubt, eat it.

Thanks for making me feel bad about it. Making me feeling more like a fat cow than I do on a regular basis. I have a feeling I am being over emotional about it but it's hard not to be when you were teased all your life and food is your comfort zone.

I have an extremely long road ahead of me. EXTREMELY LONG!

B.U.S.Y

I feel so....unaccomplished. I have been to busy with life the last week to go to the gym. Seems like life always gets in the way, but in reality it's just another excuse to not go.

I need to stomp the excuses to death and just do it. I really wish sometimes I could take my own advice. I say it but don't implement it with myself. What kind of advice giver am I? A hypocritical one? Guess so...

We are going to Cali this weekend and I know I am going to struggle on the diet front big time.

Just remember Lindsey, you are not doing this because you want to. You're doing this because you have to!!

The new gym

I joined a new gym yesterday. They have childcare!!! So I can drop Mr. Wyatt off at preschool, then drop Mr. Caleb off in the childcare center and go workout. I am soooo excited. Plus, my membership includes all the classes at the gym. Kickboxing, Zumba, Crossfit, and a few other classes. Also for being a new membership I get a free consult with a personal trainer.

I am so so so excited about this gym. It's a lot bigger, and there are younger people there. I don't feel like a baby in a gym. Which is awesome. I think I am going to try Zumba for now. I want to work on my ankle a little bit before I do anything hardcore like kickboxing. I really don't want to eff it up anymore than it already is.

As soon as Wyatt is better than I am going to go to the gym. He's taking a sick day from preschool. MY poor boy was throwing up all night. Feel better soon little man.

Struggling

OK, I knew this was going to be hard, but I didn't realize how hard it would be. You think I would understand how hard it is to break a habit from being an ex smoker. Let me tell you, it's way different. You can take cigarettes out of your life and not kill yourself, but you can't take food out of your life for good.

I walked into this knowing that I would struggle to break my eating habits. I guess that is what sucks about being an instant gratification kind of girl. It's not going to happen overnight, as much as I wish it too.

I did skip a carb loaded sandwich and ate a salad instead for dinner. Woot. There's a step in the right direction. Go me!

Now I just need to get my lazy arse to the gym and workout. Maybe I will do that tomorrow. I need to use my 5 day pass at the new gym before it expires. Which just happens to be on monday.

So, there we have it... I will update again!

Current Stats

Ok, here's a free for all, I am telling the world my hideous weight, stats.

I am starting out at 251 pounds. My current goal is to break 200 pounds by summer and my ultimate goal is 135. I realize this is going to be a lot of hard work, but with a good support system I know I can do it.

Friends, family, and followers, this is my accountibility. My way of staying on track. Encourage me, push me to strive to be my best.

In an attempt to make myself drink more water, I went and bought a PUR water pitcher today. I have already downed a whole pitcher, go me!

I also went to the nutritionist yesterday. We talked about my current eating habits and figured out that I need to start eating more often during the day. I know that I forget to eat and when dinner rolls around I am so hungry that I way overeat.

We set some goals so I can hold myself accountable. Numero Uno is setting reminders on my phone to remember to eat every 3-4hours and the second is going to the gym at least 3x/week.

I go back to see the nutritionist on feb 18. I WILL have a good progress report at that time and we will adjust my goals as needed.

Now I just need to get myself a day of the week to report progress. Any ideas???

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The Obligatory Introduction post!

Hi People!
It's me, well, hello to the 2, or 10, of you that will actually follow this blog. I am here to say that because of my lack of taking interest in my own health and well being, that I have been diagnosed with Fatty Liver Disease. Basically what this means is that if I don't attack it now, when I'm 60 or 70 I'll be just another person on the liver transplant list. I really don't want to be there.

I want to be here to see my boys grow up, graduate from high school, then college, then get married, and then have babies of their own someday.

I recently joined a gym, I just went to the nutritionist and I started keeping a food and exercise log. I feel good about getting myself on track and I am super excited to be a healthier (and thinner) me! I will blog about my experiences and weight loss journey. So, be there or be square! Welcome to my journey, I hope you enjoy the ride!!