I've struggled..

When I did before, I didn't feel so guilty about screwing up. Now, I definitely have a guilty conscience. Yes I know everyone has their weakness. It's hard to deal mentally when you did so well the first week. Then feel like a failure the next week.

I cannot call myself a failure because I haven't weighed yet, but I don't feel like i did good. I don't feel like I lost any weight, which probably isn't true because it could just be a small amount. I don't know. I am having a hard time, and sometimes I don't feel like Josh understands what I am going through mentally.

Feeling guilty for no reason is one of my personal side effects from depression. I get anxiety and can't sleep over things. I think it might be time to talk to the good old doc again. Guess I'll be making an appointment today.

My first week..

It went amazingly well. I only have a few more days left on this particular diet. But the first week I knocked it out of the park and I lost 11.25lbs in 7 days! How awesome am I? I swear I have the willpower of a champion. Josh and the boys ate normally and I ate whatever Scott told me I had to eat. I can't complain because it worked!

I am now officially down 33.25lbs.

I have the willpower of a champion

The other night, I so lovingly made my husband and children burritos for dinner. I smelled the deliciousness and even helped them make their burritos. Then I sat down at the table and ate my blah fish, sweet potato, and green beans.

I keep telling myself this diet is only temporary and that in a week or two I will have more options. It's so fucking hard but I will prevale and I CAN DO THIS!

Today is a really bad self image day. I am going to post pictures of what I look like now. I'm being a brave woman. Posting my fatass on the interwebz for all to look at and mock me.

So here it goes.







So there I am! This is me as of today. I will do this weekly so I can bring you guys along my weight loss journey and you can see my progress too.

My current weight is 231.25lbs. I weigh again on Monday. So hopefully I'll have some good news to report since I've been on this new program.

First day down

Let me just tell y'all that my diet is so boring right now. I would making it interesting if I knew how. I can't use the seasoning I normally would to make things taste good. So for now I'm eating just to fuel my body and nothing else. All the enjoyment has been taken out of my food.

Honestly, this is exactly what I need. Since Scott is putting all this work into helping me, I don't want to disappoint him. I actually succeeded in eating 6 times yesterday, which is a biggianthuge point for me. Most of the time I feed my kids and forget to feed myself. It was really hard to see the boys and josh eating super delicious looking and smelling burritos for dinner last night.

I will not make my family eat the way I am. Especially the boys, their diet can handle it. They don't have a life altering disease. I must take care of myself.

This isn't just for my benefit, it's for my family too. I want to be there for my boys. I want to have more babies. Losing weight and getting healthier are priority in the equation. I don't want to have to have a liver transplant and be stuck on antirejection meds for the rest of my life. No bueno!!

Well, cheers to the beginning of the end of Fatty Liver Disease. You will die and I will defeat you. You bastard disease!!!

Body Blueprinting

Ladies and gents, this is my new weight loss adventure. I am Scott's guinea pig for this.

Basically it's a REALLY specific eating plan and we're targeting my main areas that I need to lose weight in.

It is not easy, not one bit. There's extremely minimal carb and a lot of protein and greens. Here's what my 6 day meal plan is:

Breakfast:
3oz of turkey breast
1/2 grapefruit or 1/2c mxd berries

Mid morning snack:
3oz tuna
1c of greens

Lunch:
2oz fish
1/2 med yam
1c greens

afternoon snack:
3oz tuna
1c greens

Dinner:
2oz fish
1/2 med yam
1c greens

there's also an evening snack which is optional, we'll see how I feel in the evening.

evening snack:
2oz turkey
1c greens

Yes, I know this looks like I am eating a lot of the same things, that's because I am.

Wait for the best part, oooo wait for it..


No salt and/or condiments!!!!

The end goal is for me to lose the weight and be happy and healthy. I am fairly happy and I'm pretty close to not having FLD anymore. I go see my GI on the 16th of Aug for a follow up with b/w and what not. So hopefully we'll get good news at that appointment or shortly afterwards.

I will struggle and I will have a hard time keeping on track but I know I can do it!!

Dread

I realize that I am having a really hard time breaking old eating habits. I'm suppose to be keeping a food journal for my nutritionist and I fail big time.

I am dreading the weigh in this week. I was reallysuperfreakingbad with my diet this weekend and I don't want to face the music if I gained weight. Seriously Lindsey, why can't you get your shit together?

We'll see I guess.

25lbs

That's where I am at right now. I was hoping it would be more by now but I'll take what I can get honestly. I can't be disappointed because I am losing the weight, just slowly.

I am seeing a new nutritionist in hopes that we can get on the same book and the same page. Yea, the last one was ok but she just wasn't doing it for me. This one actually helped me with a meal plan and seeing me weekly to hold me more accountable. The plus side. It only costs 20$. Thats actually only a one time fee too. Woot!

I'll keep y'all updated on my progress.