If you can't tell..

I officially suck at blogging. I can't keep up with it. I think of it often, but alas, I am too lazy or busy, or maybe both, to actually type in blogger.com on my web browser. I'm still at a 70lb loss. Which is great. I've been maintaining my weight. That's hard to do and I know I wouldn't be able to if I didn't continue to workout. I do 3 30 minutes sessions with Scott every week and then an hour of cardio of my own every day. I'm still working on losing weight, I recently got a little more motivated so hopefully I will get to my next goal of 157lbs by this summer. That will mark my 100lb loss. I will absolutely celebrate and maybe cry a little the day I reach that goal. The day I hit a triple digit loss. It will be ah-fucking-mazing. Absolutely so. Scott decided to slow down my routine with him and work on nothing but fat burn again. Doing this routine has been the most successful for me in my weight loss journey. This is how I have lost the last 48lbs. Now I only have about 30 til my next goal and I am excited to get there. I don't have much more to update. So, goodbye...for now!

Wow

I really didn't realize how long it had been since I've posted on this blog. Lazy on my part I suppose. All is well in my neck of the woods. I'm still losing, or I should say, trying to lose weight. I'm up to 70lbs now. Go me! So I sit right about 187lbs right now. This leave 30lbs until I hit my 100lb milestone! That's kind of exciting! Now I just need to find my healthy eating motivation again. I have been lacking in that department big time! I haven't been able to keep my water intake up either. I think I am bored with every single thing that i know to eat that isn't horrible for me! I'm craving kraft mac n cheese like no other. I want mcDonalds, I want burger king. I have to admit that sometimes I let my cravings win. I know my plateau is all my own fault. I try to motivate myself and give myself little pushes to do things right but it just isn't working right now. It hasn't been for a couple months. I really need to buck up and talk to Scott about it. I just don't want to be judged. I know he won't be mad and won't judge me but I have this overwhelming fear that he will be pissed at me. I don't like it when people are pissed at me. It bothers me like no other. So, That's all I can say for now. I promise to keep blogging at least once a week.

"one"derland

I be there! My weight finally starts with a 1 again!!! First thing I did this morning was tell Josh! He's super happy, theeeennn I text Scott. I swear not a minute later he called me and praised me. I love him. I wouldn't be here today without him. He's amazing and I am so glad I chose him as my trainer. See, there's 3 different trainers that work with Full Body Fitness. Scott, Dean, and Branegan. I had Branegans card, but I lost it. Scott just happened to be the one I decided to talk to. Anyways, now that I am down to 199, I have some before and after face pictures to share with y'all. Here they are:

This means I only have 49lbs til I get to 150. That is my right now goal. I will adjust it when I lose more weight. I might not be comfortable getting down to 150 with all this muscle I'm gaining. Well I should say, I will be gaining. This is all I have for now. Ta-ta friends!

5

This morning I pulled out a pair of jeans, because it was chilly. Fall has decided to hit good old Central, Oregon. Well, when I tried them on I was expecting them to be loose. OMG, they we're falling off to the point where I don't think a belt would've helped. For reals. In the last 6 months I have went from a size 24, to a size 16. That is ah-fucking-mazing. I wasn't even this thin when Josh and I got married. I was a size bigger. So this tells me that i haven't been this size since I was 16 or so. Holy wow. I'm so proud of myself, and everyone is telling me how proud they are of me. It makes me feel great. I love it... Please don't stop. I only have 58 more pounds to lose before I hit my goal weight. Then it's on like donkey kong. We're going to start making me strong. My legs are already super strong, we did negatives on the leg machines yesterday. It was amazing. It makes you feel so freaking strong. You really have to work. Anywho, I will go for now. Til next time, my friends!

Damn it!!!!

I fell off the wagon and I don't know how to pick myself up and get back to it. Everything feels like a giant failure right now. I can't decide what is causing it, but whatever it is needs to go away. I tried doing my fish diet again and i failed epically. i've eaten more bread then I dare admit. My willpower is completely gone. I could say that it doesn't feel like I get the support I need at home, someone to push me and tell me I'm doing a great job. Which is true, josh isn't the most supportive person in the world. He doesn't know how to express it and it makes my heart hurt. God Damn just tell me how great i'm doing and that i can do it. you have faith in me. I feel like I am failing myself. :/ I shouldn't be so critical of myself but I can't help it. I have always been my own worst enemy. FUUUCCCCK! I just want a hidey hole I can crawl into and bawl my eyes out. Tell me I'm amazing, tell me how proud you are of me, please support me and help me.

15lbs from a huge milestone

I only have 15lbs until my weight starts with a 1 again. This will be so freaking super giant huge and damned if I am not celebrating almost 60lbs lost. Hopefully within 3ish weeks I will be at this goal. Scott has promised me that once I hit 198lbs that he's taking me out to lunch. Not only is this huge for me, but he's right there with me. It's huge for him too. We've been working together for almost 6 months now. There's this resturaunt in town called Crave. That's where he's taking me to lunch. I cannot wait because it has burgers and lord know I love me some burgers. You can pretty much put anything in the kitchen on it. Awesome!! I don't know why I haven't heard of this place before. I can't wait. possibly by october 1st I can enjoy this delicious place. I can't tell you how long it has been since I have weighed less than 200lbs. I am so freaking proud of myself for how far I have come. 6 months ago I would have told you that I couldn't lose the weight. Look at me now though. I am well on my way to be fit and healthy!!! Scott tells me every time I see him that I will be an athlete once I am thinner. I am strong physically and mentally. I have so much more energy now, even with losing just 43lbs. I will keep y'all updated on how much I've lost.

I fell

Off the bandwagon. Big time this week. I ate things I know I shouldn't have and I drank things I know I shouldn't have. So you say, "why the fuck did you do it then?" Well folks, it's because will power only goes so far. I think I've said it previously, but I have been battling depression for many years now. That depression got worse for no good reason at all and one of my many side effects is the comfort of food. I talked to Scott, we got things right in lindseyland again and I will not falter again. See, Scott's taken a few psychology courses and he's an easy person to talk to. I need help with something and he's there. He's such an amazing person and I really cannot AW him enough to make you all understand. I dread the day I don't train with him anymore. It's not happening anytime soon but I still dread it. We're bartering for my sessions right now. See, the hubs job really slows down in the winter time. Scott says I'm not allowed to quit using him yet. So we are making a deal. In exchange for my sessions. I'm going to start cleaning his house 2 times a week. Is it weird that I hate cleaning my own house, but I love cleaning and organizing other peoples houses? I think so. Anyways. I hope everyone has a safe and sound holiday weekend!!