5

This morning I pulled out a pair of jeans, because it was chilly. Fall has decided to hit good old Central, Oregon. Well, when I tried them on I was expecting them to be loose. OMG, they we're falling off to the point where I don't think a belt would've helped. For reals. In the last 6 months I have went from a size 24, to a size 16. That is ah-fucking-mazing. I wasn't even this thin when Josh and I got married. I was a size bigger. So this tells me that i haven't been this size since I was 16 or so. Holy wow. I'm so proud of myself, and everyone is telling me how proud they are of me. It makes me feel great. I love it... Please don't stop. I only have 58 more pounds to lose before I hit my goal weight. Then it's on like donkey kong. We're going to start making me strong. My legs are already super strong, we did negatives on the leg machines yesterday. It was amazing. It makes you feel so freaking strong. You really have to work. Anywho, I will go for now. Til next time, my friends!

Damn it!!!!

I fell off the wagon and I don't know how to pick myself up and get back to it. Everything feels like a giant failure right now. I can't decide what is causing it, but whatever it is needs to go away. I tried doing my fish diet again and i failed epically. i've eaten more bread then I dare admit. My willpower is completely gone. I could say that it doesn't feel like I get the support I need at home, someone to push me and tell me I'm doing a great job. Which is true, josh isn't the most supportive person in the world. He doesn't know how to express it and it makes my heart hurt. God Damn just tell me how great i'm doing and that i can do it. you have faith in me. I feel like I am failing myself. :/ I shouldn't be so critical of myself but I can't help it. I have always been my own worst enemy. FUUUCCCCK! I just want a hidey hole I can crawl into and bawl my eyes out. Tell me I'm amazing, tell me how proud you are of me, please support me and help me.

15lbs from a huge milestone

I only have 15lbs until my weight starts with a 1 again. This will be so freaking super giant huge and damned if I am not celebrating almost 60lbs lost. Hopefully within 3ish weeks I will be at this goal. Scott has promised me that once I hit 198lbs that he's taking me out to lunch. Not only is this huge for me, but he's right there with me. It's huge for him too. We've been working together for almost 6 months now. There's this resturaunt in town called Crave. That's where he's taking me to lunch. I cannot wait because it has burgers and lord know I love me some burgers. You can pretty much put anything in the kitchen on it. Awesome!! I don't know why I haven't heard of this place before. I can't wait. possibly by october 1st I can enjoy this delicious place. I can't tell you how long it has been since I have weighed less than 200lbs. I am so freaking proud of myself for how far I have come. 6 months ago I would have told you that I couldn't lose the weight. Look at me now though. I am well on my way to be fit and healthy!!! Scott tells me every time I see him that I will be an athlete once I am thinner. I am strong physically and mentally. I have so much more energy now, even with losing just 43lbs. I will keep y'all updated on how much I've lost.

I fell

Off the bandwagon. Big time this week. I ate things I know I shouldn't have and I drank things I know I shouldn't have. So you say, "why the fuck did you do it then?" Well folks, it's because will power only goes so far. I think I've said it previously, but I have been battling depression for many years now. That depression got worse for no good reason at all and one of my many side effects is the comfort of food. I talked to Scott, we got things right in lindseyland again and I will not falter again. See, Scott's taken a few psychology courses and he's an easy person to talk to. I need help with something and he's there. He's such an amazing person and I really cannot AW him enough to make you all understand. I dread the day I don't train with him anymore. It's not happening anytime soon but I still dread it. We're bartering for my sessions right now. See, the hubs job really slows down in the winter time. Scott says I'm not allowed to quit using him yet. So we are making a deal. In exchange for my sessions. I'm going to start cleaning his house 2 times a week. Is it weird that I hate cleaning my own house, but I love cleaning and organizing other peoples houses? I think so. Anyways. I hope everyone has a safe and sound holiday weekend!!

I gave up..

That isn't what it looks like!!! I promise! I gave up on my Nutritionist, she just wasn't doing anything for me. Pfft, who needs her when I have Scott!!! I see him almost everyday and I work with him 3x per week.

The nutritionist gave me some good info, but Scott really knows me. He's taking the time to help me. I've lost more weight doing what he tells me to than I ever did seeing the Nutritionist. Doesn't that say something? Anything??

Scott is such a great motivator. Not only is he my trainer, but he's my great friend. It's nice to know that I can trust him, and that I can talk to him like a good friend and not feel weird about it.

We have an odd relationship, it's great and I love it though! Having a good relationship with your trainer is crucial in success, in my opinion. How can you be comfortable with eachother if you don't have that relationship? He's committed to helping me and I am letting him.

He knows that I'm in it to win it. I am getting closer to my goal every single day. My success is thanks to him. I've lost 41lbs. How awesome is that??

This post is random rambling of everything, but I can't concentrate enough to put a decent post together if I wanted to. So here you go!!

7 years!

Yesterday was our 7 year anniversary. It was a good day, I totally busted my diet, but it was worth it! I didn't eat anything super bad so I don't feel one bit guilty.

We went and saw our pup Samson, and we went to Applebee's for lunch with the boys. We got the internet at home a couple weeks ago for our present to each other. I'd rather have that than anything else. I use it everyday and it just wasn't cutting it on my phone. Since it's a "dumb phone", one day I will have a smartphone again.

It's been great these past 7 years, we havea nice house, 2 wonderful boys & soon to be an adorable pup at home. Samson will come home in about 6-7 weeks! Here's a pic for your enjoyment!!

He's half husky mix and half hound!

I have a goal

Well, I've had a goal in mind for a long time, but now that I am seeing things work, it's becoming more of a reality. It's nice to know that things can happen and I will one day soon see my goal come to life.

So, with this new eating plan, I should drop about 5-7lbs a week. So that means I could potentially lose up to 40lbs in 8 weeks. That would be super awesome.

I just have to keep at it and not cheat. It's getting easier now that I have a few different choices. I can always use my other meal plans to supplement if I get bored. It's nice to have options.

Honestly, there were a few days where I just wanted to break down and cry because I didn't think I could do it. I know that I can now. It's hard and I want to cheat every freaking day but I am being good.

I want to be thin. The few things I want really bad are 1: not to have to worry about a liver transplant in 5-10 years, 2: to be here for my kids 3: to be able to shop in the womens section, not the womens plus. I want to be able to wear clothes that don't look like a 90 year old woman should be wearing them. I really want clothes to lie flat on my skin and not have nasty rolls showing through.

I am on my way to all this! I can't wait for it to finally become a true reality!